I tried Synaptigen and I'm mad about it
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Let me open with the only disclaimer that actually matters: this is not sponsored. Nobody sent me this. I paid (72 of my own actual money for it after I saw three separate people I do not even like tweet that if it got discontinued they would commit arson.
Every single nootropic review on the internet is either written by a 19 year old crypto bro who thinks 120mg of caffeine is a miracle, or an affiliate marketer who has never actually taken the product. I am neither. I am a 31 year old woman who has not had a single original thought since 2019.
For context: I have tried all of it. Alpha Brain made me yawn for 4 hours straight. Lion's Mane I took for 3 months and the only measurable difference was I could name more types of finch. That viral magnesium l-threonate gave me extremely vivid recurring nightmares about geese. The modafinil I bought off a guy on reddit let me write 7000 words in 6 hours but I also cried because my toast was the wrong shape.
I had given up. And then two weeks ago I sat down at my desk at 9am to hit a deadline, opened Google Docs, and looked up at 1:47pm to realise I had rearranged my entire Steam library, alphabetised my spice rack, and watched two full 40 minute videos about how concrete is made.
That was the day I ordered Synaptigen.
I took the first pill on a Tuesday morning at 9:17am, and then forgot about it entirely. Which is usually a very bad sign for a nootropic.
At 2:51pm I looked up from my laptop and went "wait a minute".
I had just written 1200 words. I had answered 7 emails. I had not opened Twitter even once. It was 3pm. And I was not horizontal on the couch staring at the ceiling fan wondering how it got to be 3pm.
There was no buzz. No jitters. No weird heart flutters. No feeling like you drank four energy drinks. It was just... the static was gone.
The best way I can describe it is this: you know when you've been wearing slightly the wrong prescription glasses for two weeks, and you don't even notice, and then you put on the right ones and you go OH MY GOD TREES HAD LEAVES THIS WHOLE TIME. That's it. It doesn't give you super powers. It just removes the thing that was sitting between you and your own brain.
Three days later I had the moment that sold me on it forever. I was boiling pasta. I realised I had no parmesan. And I just. Put the lid on the pot. Put my shoes on. Walked to the corner shop. Bought parmesan. Walked back. And kept cooking.
If you know you know. If you don't know, I am so happy for you. For the last at least 6 years, that exact sequence of events would have gone:
- Realise I have no parmesan
- Sit down on the couch to have a little rest and think about going to the shop
- Scroll TikTok for 55 minutes
- Order an entire pizza instead
That is the superpower. That is the thing not a single other review mentions. It doesn't make you smart. It makes you capable of doing extremely normal human things without having to negotiate with your own brain for 45 minutes first.
Now the bad parts. Because if a review doesn't have bad parts it's an ad and you should close the tab immediately.Synaptigen Reviews Supplement
- It is unforgivably expensive. )70 a bottle. I hate it. I complain about it every single month when I reorder. I will continue to reorder.
- It will not save you from yourself. If you got 3 hours sleep it will do absolutely nothing. If you drink half a bottle of wine the night before you might as well have taken a skittle. It cannot fix bad decisions.
- For the first 72 hours you will pee so much. Nobody tells you this. I have asked 12 other people who take it. All 12 of them had this. Nobody knows why. It stops after day 4.
- It does not work for everyone. Roughly 1 in 6 people I have told to try this said it did absolutely nothing at all. Which is annoying, but it's also the only honest thing about any nootropic I have ever seen.
The obvious question: is this just placebo?
I am the biggest placebo sceptic on the entire internet. I once spent a month testing if ibuprofen worked by swapping half my pills for mints. So two weeks after I started this I did my own dumb single person double blind trial. I put 14 pills in a jar, 7 Synaptigen, 7 vitamin C. I had my partner label them with numbers so I had no idea which was which.
I could guess correctly 14 out of 14 times. Every single day I took the real one I knew by 1pm. There was no question. It is not placebo.
So should you buy this?
If you want the Limitless pill, no. This will not let you learn piano in 12 hours. This will not make you a genius. This will not let you work for 18 hours straight.
If you are tired of being 30% dumber for absolutely no reason? If you regularly stand in the middle of a room and have no idea why you walked in there? If you need 2 hours of warm up time to do a 15 minute task? If you look up at 4pm and realise you have accomplished absolutely nothing and you have no idea where the day went?
Then yes. It is the only thing I have ever tried that actually works.
I still forget my keys. I still burn toast. I still will absolutely waste 3 hours watching compilations of 2016 vines if I decide that's what I want to do. The difference is now it is my choice. For the first time in as long as I can remember, the default state of my brain is not 'tired and distracted'.
That is worth every stupid overpriced dollar.